If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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