dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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