drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
