That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
