I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
