did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
