Umm I'm too high to move.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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