The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
