his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i will never coherently bang her
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
