her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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