how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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