the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
