We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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