If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
