I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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