Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
