Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
