My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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