It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
