I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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