Plan B is the new Plan A
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
