i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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