the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
