Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
