I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
