I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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