Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
