Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
