While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize