A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
