my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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