ttyl tear gas
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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