I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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