i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
