All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
