Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
