if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
