An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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