He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
this beer tastes like vomit already
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
