thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
