I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I want to fling myself into the sun
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize