If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No subtext here. People are naked.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
