Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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