She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
