I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
