it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
