I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
