I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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