it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
