His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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