I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
