It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
