Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
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somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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