I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
