dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
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i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So much puke
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.