He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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