She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
