I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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