Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
