Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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