Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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