Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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