Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
