you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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